Sad Panda

Music

Well I gave a week to Gnarles and a week to Muse and I think I’m going with Gnarles as the winner. Believe me Muse put in a STRONG effort. The record just seems to be a little too heavy handed and there are more skippable songs then the Gnarles album. If you need a cd to send off your summer on a high note pick it up.

Changes

Sigh… So it has come to my attention that one of my better friends will most likely be departing the area and I can tell you that I am very bummed about it. I had always looked in astonishment at my uncles and other relatives who seemed content with being with family. Now I begin to see that it is not contentment but resignment. The old life passes away. Sure I have made new friends but I don’t like the new as much as the old. Is this the point when you have kids and just invest all of yourself into them? I now can see the life I knew in its final death throws and It bums me the #*&$ out.

When I’m bummed I start looking at my retirement funds. Yep still need to go to work this week. Yep probably should be sticking closer to that budget I worked out. If you haven’t checked them out yet do a Google search for ING Direct. It is by far the best non branched bank in regards to savings account APR.

Typing that last line made me feel old.

Gaming

“Guild drama is the last instance we all must run it is the true end game of all MMORPG’s” – Flor Tichondrius

Now we move on to an entirely different tier of friends. This week saw the departing of numerous key members of my primary hobbies association. I have brought up the scenario in the past. 20% of the people pulling 80% of the work. While my figures were probably skewed the point remains. Those that felt they were in the 20% have left us and now new faces begin to step up. Myself included. I have accepted new responsibilities in the game however…..

Much like:

Music
Music reviews
Web site design
Flash Animation
Message Board modding
Audio Engineering
Programming

The second I turned a hobby into a job I now know its only a matter of time before I burn out. I have never understood the people who say “find your passion and try to make a living off of it.” Every time I have found a passion the second it becomes a responsibility it ceases to have the same flair. Perhaps it would be different if I was my own boss but I have yet ever truly see this often touted philosophy come to fruition within my own life. At this point I can only assume that the flaw is mine. I believe it boils down to the fact that my own selfish wants is my only passion. Ouch.

Is there hope? Always.

Enough of this poor me pretentious crap lets get to the business at hand.

A final desperate act….

In a sad attempt to keep my friends from moving to the far off reaches of the globe I now present.

Top ten reasons Memphis sucks.

1. Plagued by hillbillies
2. Cowboys have regular shoot outs in front of local bars
3. Old people go there to play shuffle board with the grim reaper
4. Chewing counts as exercise
5. Cars with 4 doors still counted as a luxury expense
6. Dangerously close to third world countries such as Kentucky
7. Even the Simpsons haven’t gone there yet
8. The home of blue grass music means the ghetto of progressive culture
9. Very excited about having the access to the internet in 2010
10. Tornados are more common than eighth grade graduates

Final Thought

What language do deaf people think in?

Free in Hi Fidelity!

Hope you had a great weekend. I worked during most of it and cant say much more than that.

If you have not heard the Gnarles Barkley album it pretty much owns almost every other cd I have bought this yer.

Cheers

The good times

Why do we roll our eyes? Where at the genetic level causes this to happen? I can rember the first time my mother yelled at me for doing it. It can be presumed that I had done it before but the question is why do we do it when we can't believe something? Why not something else like leg convulsions? "Dont convulse your legs when I am talking to you!!" Damn it science where are you when i need you?

+50 Dkp if you can tell me the answer.

A special and belated get well soon to my good friend Yakles who blew my mind by having his internal organs give him the middle finger. I had begun to think that the "appendix" (spelling?) bursting was urban legend. Thanks to Yak we all can be re-assured that when you least expect it your body will try to kill you.

if your not down with www.whitecollarmoxie.com then you should not be reading this and head immediately over.

Happy Friday

Leaders and followers

A large shift in the makup of my tier1 friends, many have gone and left us behind as sad pandas.

Work keeps making the hamster spin.

More vague commentary tommorow.

Stay attuned.

More Pills

So bad news striketh. It appears that my three month battle with the cholesterol demon was not the rousing success that I had thought it was. Apparently weight loss is in no way an indicator of success in this fight. I now have to resort to chemical methods in order to control my hearts and veins ability to transfer blo0d through out my body. It's a route i did not want to take but my doctor said i have the same shot at naturally lowering my cholesterol as i do to radically alter my facce without plastic surgery. He's a sarcastic old medicine man.

A weekend of relatives allowed for a very relaxing visit to the shedd aquarium. This location I had not set foot in since i was a 12 year old. It actually was not as lame as i had pictured it to be. I had no real idea at the uniqueness and variety contained in our aquatic friends. And looking at these monsters is like gawking at another alien race. Crabs the size of your torso, fish with all manner of deformities and colors. It's cool stuff and worth a visit if you haven't in a while.

Happy Monday

Moments from Triumph

Well tommorow we find out if high blood cholesterol is a controlable nuisance or a hereditary plague. Have to admit I am more than a little excited to get these test results. 3 months of healthy eating and 22-26 plds. lighter have made for one of the better quarters of this year.

The in laws are visiting proving once and again that I am not ready for children. I'm sure having my stuff treated poorly and constant screaming will be a joy when the antagonist is of my own genetics. However as life stands now its nothing more than what woke me up at 1am.

Abbia una fine settimana grande, non gridi per me che sono già guasto.

KH and a correction

Correction

Well much thanks to several of my readers who took the time to let me know that I am no longer the pretentious audiophile that I once was. Apparently the Muse album came out over a month ago. So yeah that’s a trip to the local record shop. This better be worth it after the let down that I unleash upon you now.

Kill Hannah – Until theres nothing left of us

Preface: it’s been about 7 years that I have followed this band. 2 minor releases 1 major label release and now their latest. It has seemed like a never ending wave of forward momentum I honestly felt that the next album could be that final step.

Summary: The kill Hannah albums have always suffered from the KISS syndrome. For those of you that don’t know what that is I will explain. Kiss put out several albums before they became the mainstream monsters they unfortunately are now. Neither of these earlier albums did very well despite the traveling shows selling out shows across the country. It wasn’t until Kiss created a live album that they really blew through the roof because none of their previous work allowed the bands rawness and energy shine through.

Kill Hannah suffers the same syndrome. I have yet to take someone to a show that did not come out the other end as a believer. However when it comes to the studio process the band ends out sounding over produced (for ever and never). There’s nothing wrong with production see (melancholy & the infinite sadness – S,P) and in fact in this latest album I thought the producing staff did a fine job. The added some very nice touches and orchestration to try to fill up the tracks. However the extended heavy drum and light piano intros are straight out of the current pop goth playbook which makes me think that the producers were trying to make a record that AFI already did this year. Hey if your going to emulate may as well go with the last of your genre to debut at #1. Unfortunately there is a problem in this approach.

The songs. They…. They just aren’t there. You know its not going to be a good thing when the first track that catches my eye. The first track that really makes me feel ok this album is alright, was not written by Kill Hannah. It’s a Tears for Fears song. It’s really good, probably too good as perhaps the other material would have seemed more consistent and therefore more acceptable.

I would never consider Matt Devine a songsmith even though his journals and writing shows that his prose is high level. You could always count on him for some cleverness a simple turn of phrase, its just not there in this album. Bleak landscapes multiple references to lightning references to phrases in older songs. It just seems almost phoned in. I’m beginning to wonder if the desperations of youth are slipping from Matt’s mind in these recent years.

I will give KH the benefit of the doubt. There are enough small moments in this album that I can assume that they will find a way to market this into some new areas and I bet a lot of these songs translate great to the live stage. The album in my mind however is a disappointment. First listen, hate, second listen, acceptance. Third listen, hope, fourth listen, clarity. It’s just not a great album. Too many tracks to skip over, a missed opportunity in my mind and I hope that they see enough chartage/profitability to warrant a third try.

Best:

Milky Way

Decent:

Believer
Lips like morphine
Statues without Eyes

Passable:

Crazy Angel
Scream

Bad:

The Collapse
Black Poison Blood
Love you to death
Songs that Saved my Life

Pick it up on Amazon when they start selling them for about 5 bucks. Note: Congrats to them on this release as they did crack the Billboard top 200 for the first time as of August 19^th.

Facts & tragedies are best left ignored

Hello all you crazy kids. I bring to you today a story of intrigue and danger probably on par to the first lunar landing. Possibly over hyped in a blog pre-amble. Eventually turned into a made for TV movie shown most likely on a rented cable access channel. Likely just involving me in front of a painted nature backdrop. It will involve me taking phone calls. Probably only from Jayson. Most likely just from my mom.

So the question of the day is what is the last crazy thing you have done? The definition of crazy is of course up for debate so for conversations sake lets say when was the last time you did something that went against your typical choice paths.

Mine happened this Sunday in front of a Taco Bell. I was approached by a stranger who asked for the time. I obliged him and then he went into his spiel. For reasons unclear he had ended up at this fine establishment and now had no method of returning home. Of course I initially offered the phone/cab route. However he mentioned that he had not been able to reach any companion in order to secure his route.

I then considered how I would feel had I been thrust into such a situation. I would in fact hope that someone would help me. So I threw my more cautious inklings behind me and invited the stranger into my car. It was a curious trip indeed. Along the way my companion revealed he was carrying a number of illegal substances, His story kept getting more and more convoluted as we journeyed farther on. He also kept attempting to prolong his time in my vehicle. I reminded him that I had originally left my home with the desire to eat and had as yet not done so.

By this point we are in the ghettos of Elgin. Which, despite what all the yuppies would like to believe, is directly next door to everything fun and glamorous in the town, At this point he motioned that at the corner would be his final destination and at this point I was more than happy to oblige him. As I placed the car in park he requested a cigarette. Trying to remain positive I gave him three in hopes that the generosity would spurn motion on my travelers part. Finally he asked if I had any money. I told him that I only carried plastic forms of payment. To which he replied. “I wish you did.”

A few macabre scenes flooded my mind and I quickly began to realize that my quiet trip had probably been teetering closer to dangerous chasms than I had previously recognized. Fortunately the mind and eye moved to a tiny amount of change sitting in a box at the front of my car. I reached in and pulled out an unconfirmed amount of change and placed it into his hand, He said thank you and offered the pound. Which I rather feebly returned, I have probably on had 5-6 moments of pure relief in my life. The moment the door closed behind him I took off. I am not even sure where he went. I did not even look in the direction he was headed.

It is quite possible that the issues I am dealing with now in regards to this event are entirely in my head. It’s quite possible I did nothing more than give a drunk a ride home. I am not sure if the experience has strengthened or weakened my resolve to show compassion unto all men. I may actually never know the fates that may have happened to either my passenger or I should I have made the opposite choice. All I can say is I wish nothing but the best for the guy and hope that he reflects on the moment and can realize that sometimes you may actually bump into a moment of kindness in an other wise cruel world.

Oh and Brian, If you would happen to find yourself in the same scenario. Don’t tell the kind hearted person driving you around that you have drugs on you. Tell them up front or don’t tell them at all. If we weren’t moments away I would have dropped your ass off immediately.

Other Peoples Music

Well I guess I am in glam/goth heaven this year as it has seen new releases from Placebo, AFI and Kill Hannah. I will try to bust out a music review for you for the KH album tomorrow. If anyone has any music suggestions that I need to hear leave a comment. I think I need to get out of this pop-goth rut. Seriously when does the new muse album come out?

Final thoughts

Is there anything more ridiculous then feeling shame for your performance in a video game?

My new MAC laptop is the shiznite.

Right clicking is a hard habit to get out of.

Stack ranking is a cruel mistress.

Bosses only exist to make a final point after you shut them up.

Agenda's

Once while enjoying a particularly sharp mixture of hallucigens. I had a conversation with a friend concerning the clear definition of a dream versus a daydream versus a vision versus a hallucination. Furthermore if you have a “daydream” during night hours have you simply had a dream? Of course there was no scientific data to substantiate our positions. The intertwining conversation drifted from the literal to the philosophical. Analogies were made discarded and re-made. No notes were taken and finally no great epiphany or even agreement reached.

Little did I know at that time that I was preparing for my life in the corporate business world. There seems to be a new trend floating around the office of the over meeting. While I understand the need for community contact with my current contact lists I do not understand how we can justify organizing 7-10 people for a talk with an open agenda. My imploration to all would be that if you have to take the time to make sure you have the reason. 3 times last month prior to a scheduled meeting, I called ahead to my clients just to nudge them in the direction of “lets meet next month”. It’s time that we all don’t have and it may be time for me to try to redirect the mindset that seems to have come over the company.

Movie Review

With much anticipation I had picked up V for Vendetta which was one of my top books I had read in the last 2-3 years. I won’t be one of those people that complains that the book was better than the movie. Let’s just establish that as a rule not a statement. I will say however that the movie did the best it could to establish the characters and hit the main points of the original material. If you have not read the book then I would definitely recommend you do. If you have read the book you will miss some of the back story. I thought it was an interesting choice to have them keep the opening diatribe laid out by “V” on the quite exasperated Evee. Introducing a character in that method is quite unusual and may be the reason quite a few people who were casual fans may have been thrown off from the onset by the character.

Sports

Sporting events are a cruel mistress. The White Sox set the bar last year by winning it all. This year it seems that they do not have the same caliber of pitching staff. They may get into the wild card but they aren’t the same team.

All of the sudden they take 2 out of 3 from the Yankees and then sweep the Tigers. Suddenly first place is achievable. Suddenly that glimmer of hope returns to my once dead eyes. I don’t want to put too much faith. I don’t want to give too much hope, but sometimes in life hope is all you have. And it looks like the prodigal son is beginning to slowly change course.

Hope you all had a relaxing weekend.

Happy Monday

Little Things

In my ever present quest to become truly humble I have noticed several quirks about myself that I do for no reason other than to reassure myself that I am providing a certain appearance. One of these quirks I noticed yesterday is that when carrying a book around I make a conscious effort to have the title of the book facing outward. It’s not enough that I am carrying a 400 page text book around. No, everyone will know that I am reading a book concerning Linux Administration and they will be impressed damnit! Nay, In awe!.... of my nerdiness. Ridiculous indeed it is, completely fueled by my paranoia around looking un-intelligent.

While appearance is everything when it comes to matters that don’t matter, I wonder what other little horrors I have let slip into my psyche. How many other superficial Kevlar vests have I adopted to prevent myself from ever coming to grips with my true nature?

Literature

If I ever had the time I always thought it would be fun to write a novel. I started writing one at age 18 but quit when I couldn’t come up with a good metaphor to compare the rising of the sun through a window with the first thoughts of the main characters waking hour.

I now present to you the opening lines of a novel I decided to start writing as of 5 minutes ago.

Blood, bath & Beyond
By Brandon Van

1. A symphony, a shot & a Bag

Trent was dead before his body touched the ground. Mouth agape in a final silent scream his torso was lifted awkwardly into the air finally collapsing straight onto his back. Trents’ head soon followed giving a sickening smack as skin, bone, cement and glass all met at once. All present for this event would remember this clamor for the remainder of their short lives. All attempts to stop that sound would prove futile. The noise, the finality the moment. It would be stuck like glue. It would haunt it would taunt and it would suppress every cognitive hour.
As the final echo’s of the gunshot rang through the cavernous halls of the alley the five men still standing stubbornly tried to clear the shock of the moment from their minds Bodies slowly were released from fears paralysis, eyes furiously began to dart sharing and confirming the feelings of terror sadness relief and approval. All knew that everything had changed and there was now no chance of going back. All eyes turned to one individual. With one hand he still tremblingly held his weapon pointed out right where Trent once stood. Right outside the bar they all had frequented for so many years. Right inside the rowdy neighborhood that they all had spent so many nights stumbling around enjoying the far too infrequent moments of pure happiness that life brings us. The hand had its final seizure and abruptly stopped. Silent breaths were taken and held as the remaining five men waited for the hands next move…

And right about there I decided to get some lunch.

Happy Wednesday!

Not since college

Well what a weekend we did have. For quite some time I had become under the impression that my prowess at alcoholic consumption had waned but apparently nothing could be further from the truth as I heartily enjoyed a 3 day binge from Thursday 6pm to Midnight Sunday morning. Needless to say the wedding was wild and just being with my friends for that long of a time in those types of circumstances was nothing short of incredible.

I returned to work this week with a bit of a chip on my shoulder. I felt it was needed to help me gain the focus required as the tug of war for my time has officially begun. On one side technology offers cool projects and a wide assortment of perks on the other side my client relationship team continues to throw every mundane task they can throw at me. Yes I understand that I am leaving you a big hole that wont go staffed for some time. No, I don’t want meaningless busy work in a sad attempt to say that since I haven’t completed certain tasks I cannot begin tech work.

Right now I have a 50 50 split for my time. However none of my tasks has been taken away from me as promised. So now I am trying to compress a 40 hour work week into a 20 and then stumble into whatever tech issues need completing. I believe that my first priority will be to hand my client relationships off before a ball gets dropped and I end up looking irresponsible. Not sure how I agreed to this position but here I am and may as well try to make a legend out of myself. I can also feel the tension between myself and other client managers, if I can pull this off in half the time that they usually do what does it say about them. What does it say about the companies metrics?

So yeah there may be a few people that would not shed a tear if I failed at this little game.

Just over the horizon lies the golden land of technology. How I long to bathe in its digital sunshine.

War

Ah Israel! How you reveal so much about the world. Israel may be the only country that can be attacked. Return fire and then be condemned. As soon as they make a move suddenly the entire world is calling for an end to hostilities. Where the global cry for the end of hostilities in another turbulent portion of the middle east? Why isn’t the world community having emergency meetings to work out a peace agreement between rival factions in Iraq?

The world wants to see the US get its ass kicked. Much like when you laugh when the boss spills mustard on his fancy new tie. The world appreciates America with egg on its face. I digress yet pause for a later date.

Peace

Peace out.

Birthdays and rebirths

So each day brings me ever closer to my promotion and it couldn’t come at a better time. The current method of half in half out will be attempted but I am going to work my tail off to make sure that it becomes completely useless keeping me around on the old team. As far as the new job?

Well much like communism it all looks good on paper. I am still waiting to see if the hammer will drop in regards to actual duties. Probably should try to get that in writing. Oh well they wanted a guinea pig and I wont hesitate to squeal.

Today marks a momentous anniversary. ‘Twas but 23 years ago that about a thousand homes lit up with the tune “Video killed the Radio Star” Yes, on this date MTV was launched. With it came a vicious sea change in the method and delivery of marketing music. Your thoughts on the good or evil of this day matter little anymore. MTV changed the way entertainment was brought to us in all forms of media. If you look at the majority of motion picture films they all use jump cuts from start to finish. Basically we have a crop of up and coming directors straight from the 3 minute music video era. All forms of media had to pick up the pace. MTV is definitely the pioneer that changed our collective attention spans and somehow has maintained Madonna’s popularity for 2 generations.

Speaking of movies and all their quick cuttery. I finally sat down and watched a film that I had been meaning to see for quite some time. Don’t come to this place if you’re looking for depth of film reviews or even research of cast or directors. “Hero” is a film by some Asian person starring Asian folks I dont know and it is great.

Beautiful movie. Spectacular, lengthy action scenes and the typical everyone dies movie that just makes the film seem even more epic. At certain points in this film I honestly felt that I was watching a film that fulfilled every childhood/ninja fantasy I had ever envisioned. Seriously the wire work in the action scenes were poetry.

I also saw House of Flying daggers which is good but not as good as Hero all things considered.

Sorry for the mostly useless post. Keep in good spirits all. I promise I will climb that mountain and return to relevancy as soon as this job switch is complete.