Something Lost

I know it’s the easy and possibly trendy thing to bash MTV but I myself enjoy easy and possibly trendy things. Last night by pure lack of available quality programming watch the MTV music video awards. I’m clearly dating myself but I can remember a time when the awards show was the craziest wildest most unpredictable event of the year. Which made it obviously a highly anticipatory event that often lived up to its billing.

Ever since P-diddy hosted the show has never been the same. If you thought you would check out the show let me save you a couple hours.

Cynical Award Show Review Go!

It had a good idea but some how It fell flat. Well ….not somehow Ill tell you exactly why. The show is bordering parody. The host Jack Black even starts the show off by saying that he is here to return the show to its former glory. We have a musical line up that showcases some quite talented acts. A guy who is funny in doses and a crowd that actually seems to want to be there.

Throughout the show The Raconteurs play us in and out of commercials which can only be interpreted as MTV screaming “SEEE were still valid!!! We gave you indie rock on a major network outlet!!! That’s Jack White out there people!! You love him all you crazy kids do!” Unfortunately Jack White lost pretty much all credibility when he did the Pepsi ad and his new band only made things worse. You can almost see the dollar signs in his eyes as he croons like a shell of his former self. I still like his music and will probably buy further albums but for all the hipsters out there he or the white strips are about as interesting as agricultural reports on AM radio.

While were on the topic. I think agricultural reports on AM radio should be the new indie! Are you a teenager who really wants to scare his parents? Blast that in your room and when your parents complain scream back “Not until we here where the soy futures are trending!!!” Guaranteed they will leave the room shaking their head,

Back to business.

The funniest trend for that show is that through out the night we have multiple artists complaining about the lack of rock on MTV. We then proceed to see performances from Panic at the Disco, that one band that wrote “Swing Swing” and the Killers. We also get “surprise” wins by Fall out Boy, that one band that did a video homage to “fear and loathing in las vegas”, AFI & and the grand prize going to Panic at the Disco.

The best moment of the night actually comes from the ‘swing Swing band” lead singer who is clearly sloshed as he walks up to accept the award. The booze seems to have cleared his ability to be coherent so he then goes to the rock star play book by calling out the name of the city that the event is hosted at. Cheap cheers are cheers none the less.

Second best moment would have to be the monstrous fake eye lashes on Davy Havock of AFI. I honestly expected him to begin to levitate during his acceptance speech should he blink hard enough.

Sentimental moment of the night was the Fall Out boy choking up a bit during his acceptance speech. True emotion? There’s no room for that here in MTV land. Maybe he was trying to audition for next seasons Real World. Fortunately the midget from Jackass carried him away before he proved how emo he was.

The music was good Panic at the disco did their emo circus act, looked like twelve year olds and overall could not sing. The Killers were the killers. Swing swing band was average. Christina Aguilera was talented but boring as usual. Beyonce must have stole Janet Jacksons choreographer as watching her performance easily transported me to the early 90’s accept without the drugs to make me feel that things were ok. The song was terrible too, Beyonce rapping? Honestly..no c’mon honestly!! Stick to vocals and gyrations. Lose the Rhythm nation dance moves.

Worst moment of the night would have to be Al “get on your feet and scream” Gore. Seriously I watch this show with the hope of entertainment and what do I get? A global warming speech? Seriously I watched the entire thing just waiting for one of the Jackass boys to throw a pie. I honestly thought there would be a punchline but it never came. He just talked and it killed the crowd.

So what do we see here? MTV desperately trying to change with the times pushing back some of the harder hip hop acts and taking on these new “indie” rock bands. I will never be someone to tell another to give up on your dreams. However MTV, you dream to return to relevance but you have become nothing more than an over hyped Wal Mart of artist promotion. Which only trivializes the moments when you try to be serious.

MTV, you remind me of the guy in the room who is always there. Sure you might talk to him and he’s probably good for a laugh but other wise forgettable and not a name or a face you will remember until the next time you stumble upon him. How the mighty have fallen. The same dark hands that can poison Jack white poisoned your eyes long ago. You stopped being about music and started being about hype. I’m sure it worked for a while. But your lowest rated show in years shows that the divine cup of the teenage market may be beginning to see you as you really are. Which should give us all hope for the future.

The end.

RIP

Even Evil Knevil fell of his bike once in a while. In that light it was only a matter of time before the worlds greatest croc hunter ever created by a media outlet passed away. It’s never a good thing to hear that a child will grow up without his father. Best wishes and prayers.